If you’re wondering how to do Secret Santa, jump right in!
A Secret Santa gift exchange is a great way to keep the gift-giving magic of Christmas alive, without having to buy a gift for everyone. The surprise of who’s gifting to who can be a lot of fun, as can the process of choosing the perfect gift for your recipient. I do this kind of gift exchange with my siblings and their partners, and another with my husband’s siblings and their partners every year, and we always have a blast.
This guide will walk you through the process of hosting a Secret Santa gift exchange of your own.
Ready to put on your jolly red hat?
How does a Secret Santa work
There are a few variations on the Secret Santa tradition, but generally, it works like this.
First, a budget is set for gifts. Most recently in my family we have chosen $30. In an office setting, $20-25 would be appropriate. For close friends or family, you can stick with that range, or go a little higher to allow for nicer gifts, if the group’s financial means allow. Make sure you’re not excluding anyone with a budget that’s too high.
Next, participants opt in to participate. Once you’ve got a list, someone draws names to assign who will be gifting to who. If you’re able to meet in person, you could simply write everyone’s names on slips of paper and have everyone draw from a hat, old-school.
However, when I organize the Secret Santa exchanges with my siblings, I do this on my own. I draw the first name – let’s say it’s me. Then the second name – let’s say Ben. That means I’m gifting to Ben. I put his slip of paper underneath mine, making a column. The third name is who Ben will gift to. Keep going until you get to the last person. The last person drawn gives to the first, in this case, me. If I draw that someone will give to their own spouse, I either redraw or shuffle the slips around. At this point, I also reference the list from last year, as folks get mad if they’re gifting to the same person twice in a row. Your mileage may vary, if your group is less feisty than mine!
There are also online tools that can help with drawing names – more on this below.
I also recommend that everyone create some sort of wishlist. This can be a list of specific items, but I think it’s more fun when it includes broad-strokes ideas, so the recipient is still surprised. Some examples from my groups include things like, “an 80s-style colorblock sweatshirt, Men’s Large,” “a book you enjoyed reading and think I would like,” and “RPG tabletop games beyond Dungeons & Dragons.” You can either have everyone send their wishlist to everyone; have everyone include a wishlist at the name-draw step and distribute wishlists alongside names; or secretly distribute wishlists as an additional step, when ready.
Then you need to purchase a gift for your recipient. The ideal Secret Santa gift is somewhat personalized to your recipient. That doesn’t mean it needs to be embroidered with their initials (although…it could…), but rather, that you’ve taken something you know about the person and their interests and expanded it in a creative way. I had a ton of fun when I got my brother’s request for RPG tabletop games above and posted in a RPG forum to get suggestions for weird and obscure games. My brother loved them and kept reading aloud and laughing at the manuals on Christmas day. Another time, I took the “personalization” step a bit literally and got my brother-in-law a tie printed with his face on it. He’s the kind of person who would actually wear that, so it was hilarious and great.
Last is the gift exchange itself! Plan when you will exchange gifts with the group, whether at a pre-existing party or an event organized for this purpose. Have everyone bring their gift wrapped, but not signed. Then, choose someone to start opening. Once they open their gift, they can guess who gifted it to them. Once they reveal, you can either have the gifter open their gift next, or choose randomly again. Enjoy!
How to do Secret Santa – Step by Step & Timeline
If you’re the organizer for your group’s Secret Santa exchange, you’ve got to stay…well, organized. Years of experience has helped me come up with this timeline.
- Late October – set budget, get opt ins, and work on your own wishlist.
- Early November – draw and distribute names. Make sure everyone receives a wishlist or gift ideas for their recipients.
- Mid November – plan the gift exchange event. Purchase a gift for your recipient.
- Early December – check in with the group. Make sure everyone still knows who they’re gifting to and plans to buy a gift, if they haven’t already.
- Late December – exchange fits!
Get the full list in checklist and calendar format, plus the same for travel, gift giving, card sending, and more holiday fun, in my Christmas To-Do List Notion Template.
How to do Secret Santa online
Now, you may want some assistance with drawing and distributing names. It can save you work as an organizer, and even keep everything secret for you, too.
You may also want to do Secret Santa online if your group is spread remotely and the entire exchange will take place virtually. Here are some tips.
How to draw names for Secret Santa online
There are a number of online tools to help organize a Secret Santa exchange:
- Elfster – a great free gift exchange web tool that helps keep things anonymous. I like that it includes “draw restrictions” to avoid someone gifting to their spouse or the same person as last year. It includes a wishlist tool, although it only searches Amazon and a few partner stores, but you can write in other items. You will need to create an account, which some people may not like.
- Giftster – primarily a family wish list maker, Giftster includes a Secret Santa feature. It is free to use. The Secret Santa does include exclusions to avoid people gifting to their partner or repeating last year’s exchange. It is easy to add items from any website (unlike Elfster). Like Elfster, you will need to create an account and sign in.
- My Santa – includes an online draw or a “quick draw” for an in-person drawing. The quick draw feature is fun because it still hides the results until you confirm that the right person is looking at the screen. The online version allows you to share by email or with a link. However, the free version does not have an exclusion list feature, so I might draw my own husband. It is free for 10 or fewer players, with higher groups costing $9-99.
- Drawnames.com – free, easy to set up. Does include an exclusions feature. Has a slick, easy setup interface, and the ability to send via link, email, WhatsApp, or text message. Also includes a nice wishlist feature, with item search but also you can type items in.
If none of these are to your liking, just do a quick Google search – there are tons of tools out there.
How to do a virtual Secret Santa
The first few steps listed above of setting a budget, creating wishlists, and drawing names will work the same for a virtual Secret Santa. However, gifts will need to be mailed to recipients. If you’d like to preserve anonymity on the mailed packages, you can suggest that all gifters use your address, as the organizer, for the return address.
I recommend setting a deadline of December 1 for all gifts to be in the mail. This allows time for the inevitable stragglers to be reminded to send their gifts, plus time for the postal system, which has been slow in December in recent years. However, if your gift exchange event will be earlier than December 15, you may want to set the mail-by deadline even earlier.
Then, have your gift exchange virtually over Zoom, Google Meet, or other video platform of choice. You can turn this into a little holiday party and encourage themed sweaters, festive drinks, etc. The organizer should choose a person to start the gift opening on screen, and like an in-person exchange, the recipient can guess who their Secret Santa was.
I will say that remote gift exchanges seem to be easier for people to forget or neglect than in-person exchanges. If someone doesn’t receive a gift, be sure to nudge their gifter even after the exchange. If that doesn’t go anywhere, consider sending an extra gift yourself so no one is left out.
Get started
So, ready to organize a Secret Santa? Grab a copy of the Christmas To-Do List Notion Template and have at it!
Are you doing any Secret Santa exchanges this year? What are some of the best…and worst…gifts you’ve seen exchanged?
